Broken book of dreams.

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:19 pm

It's not my old cell number, it changed, member? I'll call you tonight or tomorrow,

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Tue Dec 27, 2011 6:25 am

Nyahhhh Christmas...

Merry Christmas!, for starters.
Day 1, Friday.
I ran from my final class of the day, books in my bag as I raced down the stairs boardering my hallway, and took off for the main side exit. Feet slapping on the tiles, they came to a silent whisper on the concrete. I ran faster than I had in months! I rushed to the van that my mother was waiting in, screaming at the door with excitement, "Jay's coming! Nyahhh!"
tee hee~
hopping into the van, bag tucked between my knees hapazardously, I pressed my nose to the window. It was cold, and smelled like semi-stale air, but I didn't mind. I smiled when I felt the familiar lurch of the tires giving a hard shove on the ground, and watched with eager eyes, to see the departing of my school. Mom pulled around the drive-round-side of the student parking lot, from where she told me that Jayson would be here on Tuesday, next week.

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Momo Neko on Wed Dec 28, 2011 7:07 pm

i got an ipod for Christmas!! and soft pajama pants~~X3

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by KazumaSB on Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:47 pm

I trust everyone's Christmas went well. Smile

That's awesome you got an iPod for Christmas, Momo. Very Happy

I hope everything went good with Jay, Luna.


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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Momo Neko on Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:04 pm

i lurnes my ipod~ and i hope things went well too Luna~ love you~~^-^

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Sun Jan 08, 2012 6:28 pm

That weekend dragged by, though I spent it in comfort of CC, a friend of mine, and though we gourged on pancakes and forbidden waffles (Cause mom said don't make them >>) I still felt the day wouldn't come.

Monday Night.
I finish packing my suitcase, click off my light, throw my shower towel in the hamper and drag myself to my bed.
With a plop, I fall to my pillows and bedding, remote hand flexing to press the right buttons. I check my phone and text Jayson an excited Goodnight, lay my phone down to charge, and drone out to television until I fall asleep.
(Keep in mind, I've nailed a blanket to keep the sun out on Tuesday morning, so I could sleep in till he arrived. It.. didn't work.)

Tuesday Morning, 7:54am
I roll to my side with the driest mouth I've ever had, and the most energy I've had when just awaking. I scroll my eyes to glance at the clock, hoping it's noon, and I see it's

7:54

I was mad. o.o just, sheer mad.

"Why!" I scream. "Of ALL mornings, any OTHER time, you want to sleeeeep, but nooooo let's stay awake in agonizing torture of awaiting this boy!" I yell, but, alas, in the midst of my tantrum, I fall out of bed, knocking a good one to my chin. I mutter my swears, and sigh as I pull myself to my hands and knees. Focusing on the crinkle of plastic fibers beneath my palms, I close my eyes, sit up, and breathe.
Later, fifteen minutes or so, I drag myself to the shower and sulk inside for a good hour or so, glancing at the clock, it's now,

9:24am

Peeved, that I could've still been asleep, and did all that and it'd be 12:24, I flopped on the couch with a bowl of rice and soy sauce. Munching while watching an episode of MLP:FIM, thinking of him. It was pretty good rice, and a funny episode, so my mood was lightened, and by now, it's

10:02am

I start another episode of MLP:FIM, and pause to go do dishes. I clean the kitchen, scrub the sinks, wash the counters and put away dishes. I pet my dogs, wander around, clean my room (even though at this point it's spotless) do some dusting and find myself back on the couch. Lazilly, I glance at the clock,

10:48am

I'm pissed. How could I do so much in so little time? I swear I'd be the best maid... I sigh, settle down and decide to finish my episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Phone at my side, as usual, I text a hesitant message to Jayson, and waited a good while to hear back. They'd be leaving around 1. Which means they wouldn't get here till 4pm, siiiigh.
Relaxing as best as I can, I hunker down to be a couch potatoe, starting on a third episode, I check the time.

11:48am.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Oh, my god! like, seriously!? How could you do this to me!? D: any, other, fucking time, world, ANYOTHERFUCKINGTIME my world just SLIPS away, and now... NOW you give me the gift to have a slow life! NOW!?!? You cruel, heartless bastard TT~TT Why.. why god must you be so cruel.. I.. so.. tired now.." flopping backward, rant over, I feel pretty good.
Glance at clock,

11:49

o.o . . . >.< . . . o.o . . . =.= . . . DX . . . D: . . . D:< . . DX<<< . . . D; Dx Dx Dx
FAWK!

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by KazumaSB on Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:10 pm

Wow, that seems like it was an interesting day.

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:56 pm

I waited for my boy to show up, checking my phone as if it would make him appear faster.

"You seem pretty frantic," A voice whispered.

Usually, I ignore these things. You see, not only am I dying (invisibly slow and ever so painfully,) I'm also... I don't know, crazy? You see, there is this thing in my head. I've talked about it before, but.. it's not just a monster, it's another being. I think. It, no, she talks to me sometimes. Whispers something inside my mind. It's like... coldness inside my head, a brain-freeze seeping into my brain. A blue drop of dye falling into a glass of water, it's tendrils seeking my soft spots, and often piercing them. But, it's weird. Because, it's indirect, it's like this creature exists in my head, but never shows itself to me, ever. Other than the echos you'd never hear it, like how you can read in a voice? It's kinda like that... if I'm making any sense, which of course I'm not, because I'm crazy!
Anyways, not only is there a monster inside of me, something evil and vile living right behind my gentle eyes, but... I can hear and sometimes see things that aren't there. The only consolation I have, is that I know these people. Most of the time. I don't know how to explain this, but I'm.. I'm in trouble I think.
We think?
I think.

"Enka, you should answer when I'm talking to you. . ." the voice murmurs.
"Yes, I am very.. frantic." I reply, sighing.
"Noted, why is this?"
I laugh.
Why? Because, I'm talking to myself, with myself. To something that can't exist, and yet, I know it's there. I'll never tell anyone, but sometimes I get the feeling that this monster, will one day free itself entirely.

"Enka... why are you so stressed, is it that you, a child, are anxious for this male?"
"..yeah, I suppose."
"Could you explain?"
"No, not really."
"Mmm... I see,"
"Do you? What are you? What's wrong with me? Since you seem to be able of replying to me, why don't you show me?"
"Show you what? You're crazy, and you know it. Tee hee."

For whatever reason, my head starts hurting, and I press my fingertips to my temples. I have the weirdest urge to go outside. So I do,

Foot after foot, I trod soundlessly through the grass of my winter backyard, unlocking the gates clasp with a flick of my finger, and I'm free of that pain. But, there is still something else. I walk down to the edge of the pond that is behind my house, and stare at my reflection.

"You can see yourself, can't you?"
"Shuttup, I don't want to hear this."
"You can't get rid of me,"
"You can't get rid of what never existed."
"Enka..."
"Voice..."
"Look, Enka, child of the forsaken illness, look at your own eyes. Kneel down to the muddy bank, and gaze into those eyes of yours. See what I see,"

I unwillingly find myself falling to my knees, and staring at my reflection. My usually light brown eyes are dark, black almost, and then there is a laugh.

"Enka, remember something, you have to,"
"Remember what? There is nothing I've forgotten."

And.. suddenly, I laugh again. I realize that I've repeated a conversation I've read in a book, the title, I no longer remember.

"I'm not crazy, just... being really silly! Oh, just like how I used to play pretend!" I convince myself and stand. The weird feeling is gone.

I turn around and walk back into my house, shutting the gate, and thinking of what I want to do today as my feet pad down the cool tile. Coming up with nothing, I flop onto the couch, and watch, you got it! MLP:FIM

2:48

Jayson has been on the road for about an hour, and my mind is swimming with cartoon ponies jabbering about the power of friendship. I chuckle at it. And then, I close my eyes.
Friendship. . . Of all those I've met in my life, I can honestly say, friendship was not what I expected. It seems I'm the only one putting the good into the relationship, I'm the one protecting, sharing, caring, while the other uses it. That's how relationships work right? Maybe that just means most of them are parasites. Hitching a ride on a deer and sucking it dry.

4:14pm

I awake, in the middle of Willy Wanka, and get a call from Jayson.
They're pulling into my neighborhood.

I scream :3

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:28 pm

Fast forwarding.
Jay showed up, my heart raced, we kissed and held hands pretty much all night. I hoped his heart would never slow down!
The night that Jayson came over, we spent the night staying up late playing games and watching movies, laying side by side, and pointing out strange designs in the sky and just, having a good time.

The next morning, I dragged ass to wake up and get my things together, I slapped my hygeine supplies into their bag, tucked it into my suitcase before lugging it down the stairs. But, not without snatching my phone from my covers, after having texted Jayson all night~

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:10 am

. . . Tragic life . . .

I thought everything was good in my life, I thought that I had all I could ever need, want even. I have my dearest Jayson, I have my wonderful, loving and caring friends, and you all know about these people right?

Well, I left out one person.

I left them out, because I wanted them to forget me, and if I forgot him, maybe it'd be easier.

You see, I wanted them to forget me, for as long as they knew me, I'd cause nothing but heart ache. Nothing. But. Pain.

I am cursed, some of you know, some of you don't. This friend I had left out, wasn't just a friend. He was my best friend, I mean.. he is my best friend. Still. Even after these four years, even after my absence in his times of grief and joy, I still was there for him when he needed me. And every time we spoke, it was like nothing was missing.

though, he still loved me. And yet, I don't remember ever loving him. I don't remember having met him, having said good bye, yet I do know those things must've happened. I just don't remember. . .

His name is Thom. But, I call him Garou.

I believe we met over some sort of online chat, and it was because.... of roleplay I think, I think I was in a group of friends called The Pack. I don't remember at all though. I talked to him, and I know that I must've liked him, in a friendly way, and so I gave him my number as he was really weighted down with stress. He had no real friends, his sister was a bitch, and his parents wanted him out of the house, or otherwise didn't really see him. He's an atheist and his parents thought he was stupid for that reason. See, I remember this part, I remember that we stayed up for a whole five hours, talking about him. How he made french milk, and sold it to kids at school. That he loved cooking and dreamed of becoming an culinary expert. I knew he was a blonde with braces, a bit of a geeky boy, and sweet nonetheless. He's sweedish and funny, or at least, so my mind says. But I have no recollection of this. And it's sad.

Anyways, he ended up being my best friend. This was before Jayson, Rinca, before Innjeh, before everyone.

and I'm forgetting him... it used to be on purpose, but now..

I can't stop it....


I found out yesterday, that my precious Garou is dying. He always had wicked low blood pressure, or so the doctors said, because he didn't produce enough blood. However, that's not it,

He has a rare brain disease that kill most of it's victims by the age of 40.
By aneurysms.
He's 18 now, and so, the Disney's Second Chance program won't work for him. I cried last night, I cried because he was so broken. He thought of quitting college because he didn't think it was worth having education if he were to be dead anytime soon. I talked against that, I told him we'd go to Japan, and he'd go to Austrailia, he'd see the world, go to Europe and to his old childhood home in Germany. I told him to stop crying, because he'd make it. I knew he would.

He won't be cremated, he'll be buried in a bio-degradeable box. He wants the world to take him back, so that the flora and fauna may feast upon him as he did them during his life.

I do not love Garou romantically, I do however, know that if he dies, I will lose a part of me forever.

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:14 am

I need him to be with me through life, he's supposed to be my brides maid, and I'm going to be his best man, in a tux-dress! When we got married to who we're marrying, we were supposed to live close to eachother, and watch our kids grow up as best friends. We were supposed to do all these amazing things as friends in this world. And... though he's open to admit his dying self,

I still, cannot voice my own.

This will happen, and I'm going to start mailing him money,
He can't afford to go to Europe, or Ireland, or Germany now, he's just a kid, broke too. He can't make it on his own, and that's why I'm going to do everything in my power to help him.

Garou, you will make it. I promise!

I'm not asking for anyones help, I just... I just needed to write this out, this story is so twisted with reality, sometimes I wonder what's fictiona and what's not?

hang in there, my winged wolf,

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:02 pm

So... I was supposed to go to practice today, however it was cancled... and as I pulled my phone out to text my mother that it was cancled, I got two text messages.

Ride the bus home please... at the emergency vet with Splinter..
Not Sure how Long it will be... I'm so scard for my Splinter...


I whipped my thumbs across the text panel, quickly replying with,

What Happened!?

Five minutes later

He had a seizure for over two hours... he's in critical condition

I froze, my heart accelerated. Is Splinter going to be okay? WHat's going to happen, I thought, clutching my bookbag tight to my chest. I glance at the clock to see that the minutes were few, and I only had the sick churning in my stomach.
When the bell rang, I ran to my bus and tried to divert my attention from this horrendous moment by talking to a kid, Kyle.

Needless to say, I sucked, ---too worried about my dog, I wasn't able to focus on anything he said back, Johen is gone, CC is at festival, and all the while I wanted to lay on the floor and cry a little. Splinter is what my mother loves so much, and if he dies, a little bit of my mom will too---

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:40 pm

So much has happened. . .

where did you go. . .?


My dear love... Suicide is a deadly sin.. yes...
You say to me, that you hate the boy who took his life. You hate the boy who blames the world for his sin. You hate who cannot live and cannot stand in this sometimes harsh, bitter-sweet place... You tell me that you'd hate and never forgive someone for taking their life,

So then.. you'd hate me, right?

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

Post by Lunar Wolf on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:11 pm

SO, I'm here again, and this time, I'm giving an overall update of my life.

See, I lived in NC for ten years. In that time, I managed to make a good handful of decent friends. Innjeh, Rinca, Zuri, Veroni, Nii Nii, and a bunch of others,

Then, I moved back to South Carolina.

You see, all my life, I thought I belonged where I had lived, I thought that NC was the place for me, my home, where I'd fit in, the place I knew so well.

All that changed. I now see that I belonged here, in South Carolina, I belonged where I was born.

In the past nine months I've lived here, I have made an amazing amount of friends. CC, Johen, Rae, Trent, Taz(the lesbian), Ryssa, Jeanie, Ederik, Chelsea, Michie, Carolyna, Emma, Edna, Patric, Ben, Amanda, Jamie, Mel, and a bunch more, tons of people I have linked with... and.. well.. this place has just accepted me far better than NC ever has, now I'm not saying that I don't miss my old friends, because they're still my friends now. What I mean is that, things are so much better here, I'm not teased, I'm not hurt, not bullied, and I have far more in common with the people here, and no longer an outcast. Just, normal. I do miss my sweet Rinca, and my Innjeh, aswell as Zuri and Veroni, just as much as I miss my Nii Nii, but I am painstakingly letting go of that longing to return, because for some reason, though it makes me sad enough to shed tears, I am letting go of my home.... I am now, giving my goodbyes to North Carolina.

Dear North Carolina,
It is with my greatest heartfelt feelings, that I thank you for being my home for the ten years. I am happy to say that I grew up in this state full of rednecks and punks, hehe. Just kidding. I do miss you, however, I feel as if it is time I finally sever this string of attatchment and part ways. You will always have a special part of my heart, and you'll always be in mine, but it is time to say goodbye and face the fact that I do not belong there any longer.
Good bye, my sweet home.

Hello, my loving state.

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Re: Broken book of dreams.

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